he shaved USA in his pubs
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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