I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
