It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
