the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
