My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
