You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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