3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
