On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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