Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
