i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
