So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
