ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
