I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
