I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
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