the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
