Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
