I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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