Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
