So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
