When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
