i wish semen tasted like chocolate
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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