Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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