Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
