Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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