the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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