Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize