so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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