question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
