I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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