she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
