walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
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Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
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No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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