Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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