It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
