i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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