I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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