Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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