My entire life is one complicated drinking game
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
