Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
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sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
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You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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