I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
