i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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