So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
