Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
