Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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