last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
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I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
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$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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