Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
