i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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