I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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