i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
