Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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