Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So much Jack, so little girl.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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