I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
