I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
