how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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