last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
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