Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
