I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
