i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
